Sunday, May 1, 2011

22. Beliefs, self-persuation and persuasion.

Self-persuasion is based on the appropriate beliefs. And persuasion of other people depends on self-persuasion.
Before we talk about persuasion, we shall discuss a bit about beliefs and their power to shape our emotions, activities and relations.

Let us relate the beliefs with our senses and perception of the world and experience. Beliefs may be understood also as selective filters that guide us to see, hear, and feel thin slices only from all the possible observables in the reality of the world and therefore create experiences. Conversely thin slices only of observables and experiences feed and confirm beliefs. Beliefs can be understood also as selective filters and  assumptions under which we silently communicate with ourselves during the inner activity of our thoughts, feelings and consciousness in a repetitive consistent manner.

According to Nick Hall ( in his mp3 seminar "Change your beliefs change your life"
see )
the self-examination of the hidden system of our beliefs starts with 7 questions:

1)Are these your beliefs or those of someone else?
2) Are your beliefs based on experience?
3)Can you think of times in your life when your belief system was challenged by reality?
4) Have your beliefs ever kept you from achieving a goal?
5) Are certain themes reflected in your beliefs?
6) Are you willing to change one or more of your beliefs if they are obstacles to your goals?
7) Are your beliefs serving a useful purpose?

There are  5 types of beliefs:
Core beliefs
Cultural beliefs
Hand-Me-down Beliefs
Advertised Beliefs
Biological Beliefs

Here is the list of 10 Common mistaken beliefs that affect our emotional life.

1) I must be loved, validated, and approved of by all people.
2) I am responsible for other people
3) My hapiness depends on people and things outside myself
4) I must be the best at everything I do--I cannot make mistakes.
5) I can avoid dealing with problems or pain in life
6) Inconveniences in life are catastrophes.
7) I must be in control at all times
8) If people knew the real me, they would not like me.
9) It is wrong to enjoy myself very much
10) I cannot change because I have always been the way I am.

Let us now discuss the persuation techniques.

An essentially persuasive and efficient communication is based on

1)  Honouring the other person and respecting his frame of reference and privacy.
2) It utilises the mirror of the words to give sound reasoning to logic
3) create feelings
4) and help surpass all obstacles.
5) to motivate for proactive options in actions,
6) the communication should call for the undivided attention
7)  keep it alive by "salting" and "unpacking the present" (creating suspense)
8) while end with the gratifying resolution of the gift of the emotional word-picture.

To be sure that you do not manipulate but rather inspire, you must believe sincerely that it is good for the other person what you suggest, and that if you were in his positions you would want to do it.
And of course do not forget the diamond rule (as in the post 37).

In personal intimate relations the same rule holds: If you believe that the other person is most likely to accept your proposition, then you do persuade him (her).

Relevant mp3:

1) Steven Scott  Lessons from the Richest Man Who Ever Lived

Steven Scott had during the 20th century probably the most productive and succesfull advertising company in USA.

2) Napoleon Hill "Succeed and grow rich through persuation" A classical author of high moral values.

According to NLP, the keys to attract the attention of another person for conversation and persuation are found in the different types of "metaprograms" of the subconscious that the person adopts in his habitual thinking, feeling, acting and attending. Some of such metaprograms are
1) Towards (positive) or away (negative) from (experiences, observables, people etc).
2) Internal or external frame of references (of values or sorting for decisions).
3) Sorting (or serving) the self or sorting by (or serving) the others.
4) Looking for similarities (matcher) or differences (mismatcher,mirroring).
5) Clues that convince (by seeing, by hearing, by doing, by reading about, with few observations, with many observations etc)
6) Motivated by need (necessity) or by desire (possibility).
7) Best working style: a) as a member of a group b) alone  c) individually but in proximity with others.